My world was rocked this past summer.
My son asked to live with his father, on the other side of the country. We knew that we would have given him up in a year to do so, and I thought I had a year to deal with it.
My 13-year-old son who has already outgrown my height, was now also outgrowing the current status of our ‘still-sometimes-cuddles’ relationship. He was yearning to know his father more and see how life is somewhere else. I cried harder that night than I had in a very long time. I grieved my early mothering years gone, the mistakes I made, the things I wanted — all of it.
Fortunately, my crone showed up. You see my barely a teenager son asked me in the most gentle and direct way for what he wanted. He used compassion, grace and love to speak up for what he desired. He offered clear reasoning which outside of my longing to keep him with me always, was really quite practical and sound. I had taught him that and now he was reminding me. I impressed upon him how important it was to have a voice for himself, to speak up for what he wanted. He used it with an abundance of love and empathy. I couldn’t have asked for more. He could never really outgrow his mother, I’m in him – in lessons, personality, love, and spirit.
Without Woman Within, I would have never known my crone and how to let go and let my little bird flap his wings so early, especially without getting wrapped in anger and blame for my ex for being so far away and wanting to ‘take my kid away’. I would have stayed in victimhood or even worse, not said yes for selfish reasons. I would have sank into depression and pity-parties.
Instead, I followed his lead and asked for what I needed – support.
This is not an easy thing for me to do. I have a regular circle but this incident happen the night after my circle so waiting two weeks to have support was just too far. I asked women from my circle, women who weren’t in my circle and even women who had not been through the Woman Within Weekend to hold space while I grieved at the precipice of this doorway. All but one who was traveling, came with only 3-days notice. They dropped whatever important tasks they had in the middle of the week, to come support my pain, help me sift through the stories and the truths and hold me in love. It was painful, and I was seen and loved. It made it bearable.
Sometimes we are afraid to ask for what we want. Afraid we’ll be told no. Afraid no one finds us important enough to listen to.
So often, people want to help. They want to support us and don’t know how. We just have to ask for what we want.
That’s something my 13-year-old son reminded me of just this summer.
Christina Smith is the Marketing Director for Woman Within International and a coach who focuses on how we invite shift into our lives. You can reach her by email.